Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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