So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
