The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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