And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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