My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
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