It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
