what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
