I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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