Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
