I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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