it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
