..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
