If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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