I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
