mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
