I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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