Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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