You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
