Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize