Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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