he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
