dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
