dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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