her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
