We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
