Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
