Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
