Little spoons don't ask big questions
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
