whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
