dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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