your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I have aggressive nipples.
Damn victory sex feels great
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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