She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
