Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You've changed since you got that strap on
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
