you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
