True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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