if you like me you must not know who I am
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Randomize
