dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
