my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
