at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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