I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
