im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
