he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Come on in and take your pants off
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