i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
