There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
