he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
