If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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