I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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