He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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