Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
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I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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