I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm at about main and main street
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
