I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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