someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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