It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
