i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
