The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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