i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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