just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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