I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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