her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
not ubering you a puppy
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
