Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
