wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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