Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
