Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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