Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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