Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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