Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
