He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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