Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
