IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
