hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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