I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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