Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
She's like a pop up book from hell.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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