I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
