he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
