We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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