I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
