you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
