I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
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Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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