i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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