Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
