She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
